The Power of Being Single by A.S. Winters

The Power of Being Single

To put it bluntly, my love life has been a mess recently. 

I’ve gone from heartbreak to heartbreak, and rejection to rejection. I’ve had hope, and time and time again, those hopes have been crushed-and all within the last four months. My love life is not thriving so far, in 2025. But being single can be truly empowering-let me tell you why. First, though, I think it’s important to get a background on my love life. 

So, how did I get here?

I first started dating through meeting people on Instagram. I’d had unrequited crushes from around the age of 8  and at 16, I’d decided that enough was enough and perused some Instagram dating accounts. I started a new relationship online a week before the pandemic hit, and it was announced that everybody had to stay home. In hindsight, I find it eerie-I had no idea that everything was about to become more digital and that the world was about to change. 

The relationship didn’t last long, although it did end amicably. I had lots of online flirtations during the pandemic, and I’m not necessarily proud of it. I had a crush in college (where you study from 16 to 18 in the UK) that went nowhere, although I did later suspect that she might have liked me back after all, and had been too shy to let me know. I got in a relationship a bit after that, online once again. After a short while, my feelings for her had gradually faded. I got with someone else, and we broke up too, but I’m still friends with both of them online now.

By the time I’d been in and out of these relationships, it was around March 2021. I was 17 by this point. I had two crushes and neither crush went anywhere. Following on from this, I met someone I believed to be cute, and confessed to them in late June. We were in the talking stage for almost two months (their choice, not mine) before properly getting together in mid-August. We were together for a month, and then they broke things off. It turned out they were a cheating, manipulative liar, and had been emotionally abusive to me and others.

One of the people they’d screwed over ended up being my next partner. They broke up in October 2021. We got to know each other for a month, then started dating in November 2021. We were together until February 2025, when we broke off due to being fundamentally incompatible as partners. Being in the same friendship group and living together, plus being at the same university has been really difficult and has definitely had some impact on my mental health, although this is not his fault. 

Post break-up, I realised I liked a girl who had a crush on me, too. She lives abroad, though she was planning on moving approximately one hundred miles away from me for study purposes. We weren’t officially together, but classified ourselves as ‘flirty friends’, and enjoyed getting to know each other. Two months later, on April 20th, 2025, she said we couldn’t date. She can’t guarantee a future with me, she pointed out, and she wanted me to be able to explore other options. Whilst we’d had our flirtation, she’d said that it was okay for me to go on dates with other people, but I’d opted not to, focusing on what we had going on instead. When she said we couldn’t date, I decided I would. 

I downloaded some dating apps. There were definitely a few weirdos on some of them, and some genuinely nice people that I’m just not interested in.  I did click with one girl, and we got to chatting regularly. We even went on two dates. We’d had a third date planned-we were going to go to some docks nearby and I’d been intending to kiss her on the wheel they have there. By this point, we’d been talking romantically for a month. After not messaging all day, which seemed out of character for her, she messaged me to let me know that she did not wish for this to continue, due to needing to work some things out which she could not work out whilst trying to pursue a relationship.

That’s where I am at now. I’ve been single now for almost four months, which is the longest that I’ve been single for since I entered the dating scene five years ago. This has given me an opportunity to reflect on the blessings that may come with being single. I am only 21, so I am still young, after all. I have some ideas of how to meet people to date, but in the meantime, this has taught me that I need to focus on more important things. Prioritising romance, in my opinion, is not a sensible idea. It sounds nice, in theory. But obviously it doesn’t always work out. If you’re someone aiming for stability, then romance isn’t always the best way to attain it. 

Here’s what I’d suggest instead:

1. Spend time with family if possible.

2. Friendship is so important! Make sure to not neglect your friendships.

3. Focus on your education or career. 

4. Engage with your hobbies and interests. This way, you can have fun and meet new people.

5. Volunteer. Helping other people is hugely rewarding.

6. Go to therapy! It can help you deal with any issues in your life. 

There’s a unique power in being single. So long as you have some form of community, you’ll be okay. Having an identity outside of romantic relationships is so crucial for your sense of self and sanity. There’s power in being able to take a step back to work on yourself and figure out your future, and in asserting those wants and needs in a healthy way which allows for compromise when you do eventually get into a relationship. 

If I’ve learnt anything so far this year, it’s that.