"At the Store Downtown", "Gardenia Candle", "Peter Pan", and "Love Falls Heavy" by Doniell C. Cushman

At the Store Downtown

They thought you hit me or

beat me

and I didn’t have to correct them,

but I did

Made them laugh

I was told later that I am

engaging and sexually attractive

but not one ogled

neither did they request digits

instead, they laughed

with me

Your power over me

is weaker now

I am finally free to have

experiences, emotions, a life

worth living

I won’t be overwhelmed

or subdued by you any more

because I can laugh

at how ridiculous this all is

and how illogical you are

Gardenia Candle

Matchbox top with

lighting strip has been

lost or discarded.

I pulled out the gardenia

needing a comforting smell,

grounding myself, my mind.

So anxious, I cleaned up and

felt like standing in the

middle of the freeway

to dodge oncoming traffic.

Alanis sings to me now

assuaging the hunger and

controlling the sorrow.

Instead, I sit here

unable to think of anything else.

When will this fall away

I wonder, and if it’s sleep,

welcome to the party.

Love Falls Heavy

Love is a choice

A commitment to

Wake up every day and

Stay forever

Forsaking all others

Never failing to honor

And always forgiving all

We’ve both been wounded

By ones that never

Listened closely and cared

They promised they were

Content and filled by the

Choice to love

We’ve been treated so wrong

For much too long

We feel broken, untouchable

Until we find each other

Angel so sweet that

Brought us together

And I will forever be

Stuck on your voice

Let us usher out the darkness

And cling to our void

So we can meld together

In the awe that

Silence and loneliness have

Prepared us for

Cherish me in your heart

Violins and cellos sing

As the piano moves us toward

Each other effortlessly

I am so high-strung

But you manage me well

Letting me fall back

Into your arms and heart

While we wait

Let’s not hold our breath

For love falls heavy, not softly

And I fear despite knowing

The joy it brings

Peter Pan

Shadows attached to my feet

Growing big, shrinking small

Shadows dancing on my wall

Shadows on the street

Shadows come and go

Twisting around

Perpetually earthbound

Shadows fast, shadows slow

Once there was a shadow

Its name was Peter Pan

And Wendy Darling sewed it back

To Peter’s bogeyman

Bio: Doniell Cushman received her education at Washington State University, and the University of Maryland, University College, and holds a B.A. in Humanities. She currently works for the city by day, a private piano teacher, composer, and arranger by night, and is a member of MTNA, HSLDA, SCBWI, Poetry.org, and an alumna of the Highlights Foundation’s workshop series. Doniell has recently had her work published with 34th Parallel, Outside the Box Poetry, ZiNDaily, The Monterey Review, and petrichor mag. She is currently working on writing her memoir of abuse with the intention of bringing sexual, emotional, and physical abuse into the spotlight so that early intervention can help others. Doniell currently resides in Spokane, Washington with her son and dog, and is partially disabled.